I am something of a connoisseur of internet amplified graduation speeches. I just like the genre when it’s done well. The best one ever delivered is David Foster Wallace’s 2005 commencement address at Kenyon College, “This Is Water.” It has no tie in to this post. I just like an excuse to mention it. If you haven’t listened to it, you should, it will improve your next ordinary Tuesday in the trenches of adult American life.
What does have something to do with this post is a different commencement speech I came across more recently: Jerry Seinfeld’s 2024 address at Duke. It’s funny, as you’d expect, but buried in the jokes is an observation that stuck with me. Seinfeld’s point, more or less, is that people today have the whole shame calculus backwards. They’re proud of things they should be embarrassed about, and embarrassed about things they should be proud of.
Turns out Seinfeld isn’t the first person to notice this, and it isn’t just a bit. James Traub piece in the Atlantic a few years back, “Have They No Sense of Decency?,” made essentially the same observation in a more sober register: shame just doesn’t operate the way it used to. If you are in a more right-of-center mood, Peggy Noonan’s piece in the Wall Street Journal, “The Senator’s Shorts and America’s Decline,” discussing John Fetterman’s fashion choices gets at the same thing.
Conduct that would have ended a career or a marriage a generation ago, or at least would be a source of significant embarrassment, barely registers today. People shrug it off, deny it, spin it, or double down. Nobody gets caught doing something obnoxious, disreputable or illegal and slinks off in disgrace anymore. They go on a podcast tour.
I bring all this up because it comes up, almost verbatim, in a conversation I have with clients on a fairly regular basis.
Continue Reading Nobody’s Embarrassed Anymore (So Stop Counting on It)









